Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
