12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
