HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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