i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
