If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
