Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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