Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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