You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
