you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
