and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
