Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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