Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize