I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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