i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
smell my finger.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
