I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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