I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
