oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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