Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize