That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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