Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Still dying that you shit outside
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
