Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
