someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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