at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
