"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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