hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
