how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
