No period for spring break; use this wisely.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
