As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
