the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
