My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
