i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
