I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize