worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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