Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
