remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
