He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
