I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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