I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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