at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
