whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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