no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
