my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
