Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
