He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
