sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
