some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
