My liver just broke up with me...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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