Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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