He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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