"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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