he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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