i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
