from now on my penis is your penis
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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