Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
