no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
