So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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