Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize