so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
