get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
