if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
