I need to stop coming to work sober
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
is it fun? or sober?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
