haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
