im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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