if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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