so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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